“Hadn’t read any updates for about a year. It’s a shame he didn’t have a fucking clue what he was doing with Story because it looks like it nearly broke him, but it also looks like he’s got a much better chance this time around with whatever he’s doing. I hope he does well.” – A guy on the internet
I’m a part of the universe again.
Connected to it.
In its flow. Like I’m almost in control of it. And it’s listening.
The universe is always listening. I just wasn’t talking.
“How long ago was it?” my friend asks.
Three years since Story. Since my relationship ended. When everything just kinda stopped dead.
As I’m talking I’m copy and pasting all my previous blog posts to this new website. I like writing this thing so thought I’d get a proper site. ‘So this’ was the first thing that popped into my head.
“Been a while then.”
“Yeah, been a-”
I get to the bit where I went to San Francisco and pause. I check the dates.
Fuck. That can’t be right.
Two years ago I was in San Francisco.
Two years ago today.
How is it only two? Three years is so vivid in my mind.
Can’t explain it.
I carry on reading through my old posts as I copy them over. Feels like I’m reading through someone else’s life. It’s a fucking great story. The innocence. So much confidence and excitement and hope. And then I’m so crushed. Proper drama.
Then I come across a photo. Taken in San Francisco. Me and my ex are facing a mirror in the stairwell of a hotel, I’m pointing my phone at the mirror taking the picture.
She’s got her arm propped on my shoulder. I’m in a shirt and tie, she’d just got a new haircut. We’re on our way to one of the Google I/O events where I’m pitching Story.
I’m looking at the photo and I barely recognise myself. The guy in the photo’s got everything. You can see it all over my face, I’m so proud. I’m exactly where I want to be, with exactly who I want to be with, doing exactly what I want to do.
And all of it was gone within three months.
It destroyed me. Because I didn’t know who I was any more. Because I had nothing left.
So I’m looking at this photo and I grin. Because it’s taken two years, to the day, and I’m realising, after everything disappeared, what grew in its place was a strength. Or maybe it was a consciousness. And it feels connected, not to a person, or a job or a place but to the universe. It feels empowering.
“So what’s your new site called?” My mate Jamie messages me.
“So this… dot co. It’s the first thing that popped into my head.” I reply.
A few minutes later he sends another message, “‘Sothis’ is another name for Sirius, the brightest star in the sky.”
I didn’t know that.
“Wanker!” He adds.